The Buddha collapsed out of shame

Sitting under the empty place of the Buddha: It quietly appeared in front of me but it still burned a fire in my heart. I was looking up at it from time to time, but immediately looking down again, shamefully. I imagined where the empty place must have been filled with the Buddha's huge body. Even though, the Buddha’s place was empty, it was as if it was talking to me quietly, though, with a voice louder and heavier than two thousand years. Indeed, the Buddha was a real picture of the two thousand years of our lives, our breaths, and smiles; and, two thousand years of our love. Indeed, even the Buddha could endure being a real picture of our hatred; but too kind to bear this one. It fell.

Watching the documentary film, “the Lost Treasures of Afghanistan”, and the archeologist Dr. Tarzi’s enthusiasm and passion to restore what we have lost and his feelings inevitably turned on the flame of fire in me; like the one I felt when I was sitting right under the huge, quiet, empty place of the Buddha. And, what was that? Was that our, the Afghans’, collective memory?

Undoubtedly, if not the most, collective memory is one of the most important elements of any culture in any society. It is “The experiences shared and recalled by significant numbers of people.” The means by which a collective memory is revived, preserved, and passed through generations are stories, holidays, rituals, and monuments. In a way, it helps the individuals in a society enculturate. Without collective memories, there would be no interests and no commonalities, or in other word, there would be no culture, for individuals to create a group, an organization, or a nation.

It might sound very fearful; the fear that has probably motivated Dr. Tarzi to cautiously dig centimeter by centimeter of the Bamyan’s Valley to find something of a collective memory for his nation. Dr. Tarzi, along with a group of French archaeology students, has left France to come to Bamyan; the most mountainous and impassable, and one of the most deprived provinces of Afghanistan. Not of course in the past. The Buddha itself talked of a prosperous past, where once, Buddhists, from all over the world, came here to pray. Located at the crossroad of the Silk Road, there was a time that Bamyan was one of the religious centers of the world. And, Dr. Tarzi is looking for that past, without which, he would find himself with no identity. Like a kid with dried drops of tear on his face, kneeling down, he is carefully looking to find what he has lost. Based on historical documents and stories, apparently, there is another larger Buddha, sleeping right between the two Buddhas. And, this is a great hope for Dr. Tarzi to search the site foot by foot, and find a trace of this Sleeping Buddha.

There are also some people that are willing to reconstruct the two destroyed Buddhas. But, whether they will succeed in it, or whether Dr. Tarzi will find his legendary Buddha, for me nothing would change the past. I would still sit right under the Buddha’s empty place, and say nothing.

There is no chance to restore the past; but maybe to compensate it!

A couple of weeks ago, the idea of a group weblog came to my mind. I wanted to create a place where everyone, from students and even faculties, can write there about Afghanistan. Initially, I wanted to name it something like AUAF Student Review or AUAF Student Commentary, however, when I talked to some people about the idea, although, they welcomed the idea of such a group weblog, but they advised me not to pick a name with AUAF... abbreviation. Because, we would thus go under the authority of the university and have to adhere to their policies because our blogs might have somehow represented the university. I didn't want that. So, I picked another name that does not have such an implication.

In one of my courses, in this semester, we watched a documentary film named, "Lost Treasures of Afghanistan." It was about Dr. Tarzi, an Afghan-French Archeologist, who have come to Bamyan to find the Sleeping Buddha, that exist somewhere between the two destroyed Buddha, according to some historical documents. That part did not, though, interest me. The way Dr. Tarzi was expressing his emotions about the two destroyed Buddha and the gravity of the disaster, inspired me. Dr. Tarzi, as an educated and informed Afghan, can well understand what we have lost, and like a kid with dried drops of tear on his face, kneeling down, is searching and digging the ground to find a trace of the Sleeping Buddha. He knows well he can't restore the past, but he hopes he can compensate the past.

This movie made me to name the group weblog, "The Buddha's Empty Place," as a horrible past in front of us, the Afghans, to always remember and keep in mind the disastrous consequences of our radicalism. The Buddha's empty place is indeed representing the three decades in the history of Afghanistan. By choosing such a name for this weblog, I want to go for the "hope," Dr. Tarzi believes in. I want to create an environment Afghan students (another "hope") can, far from hatred, resentment, and tumult, can sit and think.

To pay or not to pay

Read "Dave Morin Argues Information Is More Valuable When You Pay For It. He’s Wrong."

To know more...

After the presentation program by Mariam A. Nawabi, on last Wednesday, at AUAF, I found myself very interested in knowing more about the international community's military and non-military participation in Afghanistan after 9/11. I want to have a survey of all the activities and assistance that the foreign countries have been doing in Afghanistan. For start, I have found and read these two reports. You might also want to take a look at them.

• The Cost of Iraq, Afghanistan, and Other Global War on Terror Operations Since 9/11 by Congressional Research Service
• Troop Levels in the Afghan and Iraq Wars, FY2001-FY2012: Cost and Other Potential Issues by Congressional

U.S. Assistance to Afghanistan by Mariam A. Nawabi

Yesterday, Wednesday evening, July 28, American University of Afghanistan (AUAF) hosted Mariam Atash Nawabi, in a presentation program entitled "US-Afghan Relations: Understanding the Foreign Assistance Process". Not so many students, though, attended the presentation. I believe this is partly due to the general policies of the university, particularly its security policy. I am not totally blaming the university administration because they might be right in observing such tight security measures, however, it is probably not appropriate for an academic environment, and it would have its negative effects as it is observed.

The presentation program, delivered by Mariam A. Nawabi, was about the "U.S. Assistance to Afghanistan": the funding process, the relevant U.S. agencies in this process, a bit about in what areas the U.S. has assisted Afghanistan, and the most interesting part was about the personal experiences Nawabi has had in promoting investment in Afghanistan and social entrepreneurship. I was specially amazed by the comprehensive knowledge of this charming lady in a vast number of areas relating to international assistance to Afghanistan. You can just go to this link and read about her. You can also google her name and find a lot about her. You'll be amazed too...

Finally, I must say that for me, who works as Grants Officer at The Asia Foundation, one of the largest organizations bringing international assistance to Afghanistan, this program was indeed fruitful and had a lot to know. At the end of the presentation, although I was very tired, I was not unhappy for attending the event.

The translation stopped

My request for translation of the "Democratization and Civil War" was rejected by the publisher of the book, within which the paper is to be published. Because, they are "unable to grant permission for [me] to translate and publish this material into a [...] magazine until the book has been published." OK, fine. I am not complaining because this is the right way. But I am unhappy because, by its translation, I would be pleased to share an interesting work with others.

Summer is for Reading!

I agree, and I read in summers. I read all the books that I wish to read. I keep these wishes until I get the chance, when I am free from university coursework and the reading assignments that I am forced to read, not because I like them. Of course, I don't hate my courses and studies at AUAF, but just I don't like to be assigned to do something. I know it might sound a bit weired. I used to self-study music, nights and days, tirelessly. But, as soon as I started studying music a little a bit more formally, I stopped passionately reading and working music as before! For example, if I were instructed to work on an etude, I hated it, and very unwillingly worked on it.

I am reading, these days, a book by Eric Burns about the thoughts of Michel Foucault, the French philosopher. It’s hard, but I like it.

The translation of “Democratization and Civil War” is in progress. To be honest, I am not fast when I am working on a translation. So, I would not be surprised if it takes a month or so to finish it.

To be away for a while

Today, I will take my final exam of the summer semester. This is practically the last day of 2009-2010 academic year. I am tired, very tired. I feel I need a break, though I know I won't be given it!

I started the year very energetically. However, by all the things that happened to me during the Fall Semester, I went under a depression; the results of which are still felt. I don't want to open any of those now. They were experiences by themselves. I learned a lot from them. Thus, I can't say they were quite bitter. Even I would probably repeat some of them if I were given the chance, with the knowledge of the consequences; however, would not my perspective be different?

It didn't affect, nevertheless, my academic performance but rather affected my socialization. I started the attendance at AUAF with an attitude just like a person who wants to love the world, a person who wants make friend with anyone, who wants to take part in any social activity. Thus, I started or joined four student clubs (see here, here, here, here, here, here, and here) at the same time, while I had a full-time job. I quited all, one by one.

I believe I need a break to rest, and to be away, for a while, from... I don't know.

I am a foreigner!

I was a foreigner, when I was born in a land, which was not my motherland. I grew up a foreigner, playing, sitting, laughing, going to school with friends among whom my language, my attitude, my appearance seemed like a foreigner.

I am back to my so-called "motherland". But, this land is not my motherland either. I am still a foreigner. Today, when I visited an organization for assessment, I was looked like a foreigner. Even, I was directly asked where I was from and this that I looked like a foreigner.

The problem, though, is not that I merely looked like a foreigner, but it's deeper: I am indeed a foreigner. This is not my appearance or my accent or my Chinese-like face which makes me separated or distinguished from others. But these are my thoughts, opinions, behavior, perspective... There are huge differences. I feel it and I see it in my daily life that I am a foreigner. Where is my motherland?

"Oh my God! You're too old!"

There are two options here: first, I must finish BA as fast as possible; second, I must finish BA as best as possible.

To be honest, I am getting old, or I am already old. So, it's a bit frustrating for me to see myself still studying BA. When I look around campus, I find myself among some fellows who are even ten years younger than me! They are too young. Their thoughts, behaviors, attitudes... not of course unsophisticated, but just younger, or maybe more energetic than me, to better describe them. Or maybe, I am older than them, not they, younger than me! "Oh my God! You're too old!" Once one said to me this. Actually, I didn't understand how old I was before I heard such a comment! This is a truth, I am getting old, and I have to finish BA as fast as possible. But wait, what will be the benefit of having a BA with a 1.5 GPA?!